INSIDE OUT

You know, I don't know what I think about this anymore. Since recently, J acquired fifth disease (AKA: Slap Cheek) and S acquired the chicken pox. Now, this week, I feared N had chicken pox (it's still up for debate as to whether it is chicken pox or mosquito bites) and S now has fifth disease! This, all in the past month.

The most important guidance I can offer as a mother of three young children, is that positive parenting is the most powerful tool afforded to you as not only a parent to your child, but also as a friend to your child.

If you are struggling with a baby, toddler, preschooler (heck, even someone my age) who seems to do anything BUT pay attention to the words you are using, try positive reinforcement. Here's a situation, which happened between my four year old and myself yesterday:

Most of what I've learned has come from many different books, articles, university courses, mentors, friends, things I've seen, showing me what NOT to do with my children, etc. I can't owe any one author or person the whole of my method. I have came up with this approach when torn between the extremes of too strict and too permissive. I am now very proud of the fact that I can do with my children in public, the exact same I do in my home.

I started this one out as a poll (that I can't figure out) but, I think it's still too early for that. The methods described here have really worked well for us. Still, there are some where I believe work, yet, I am not too sure about their long term consequences yet. I guess we'll find out! In the meantime, what I have taught my 4 year old, seems to be reaching his heart.

I haven't heard one parent without sleep issues. I've had them myself, although not with my firstborn. He was quite the angel in that regard. My middle child was one of "those" children who just did not like to sleep and would fight it for as long as his heavy eyes would let him. For those having trouble putting their toddlers to sleep every night, I think I might have a solution, if you are interested.

Why is it that every parent, who have two or more children, knows what this terminology means, "the middle child syndrome". It's not mere coincidence. I've read a few theories on its logical explanations. But rarely will it really empower the parent to do something about it. Moreover, I've usually only read explanations for the outcome. So if we, as parents need to help our middle children not carry the burden of having them in the middle, then why are we not held more accountable? Most will roll their eyes, laugh and say, "he/she is my middle child, can ya tell?"

Have you ever heard a mother or father say something like, "the more I say 'not' to do, the more they 'want' to do it"? For some reason, children want to do exactly the opposite of what you tell them. Call it, "negative attention" or call it whatever, children seem to feed on this type of "mis" behaviour.

When a child is young, let's say under 1. I never use the word, "no". I don't feel the need to teach it to my child at this age. Instead, I will use more positive language. For example, if my daughter hits me I will say, "be gentle, please", modeling the behavior. I will not say, "no hitting!" To some, this may be more psycho babble. To me, in my experience and the experience of others who have tried other things that did not work, it means the difference between drawing attention to negative behavior and empowering your child to make positive choices. It encourages a child to gain the self respect of doing something that is enjoyed by those they love and care about around them. As a parent, it prevents the habit (which is so easy to fall into) of saying more negative things to our children than positive.