INSIDE OUT

Oh, how I love these smoothies! First off, this is not my idea. I really wish I knew where the original idea came from... I'm sure they could patent it and make a mint!!! If you do a search on this smoothie (or shake, as some call it), you will find many.

I think this debate is quite obvious. For some reason, however, many people (even some who I would think should have thought this through a little better), still believe this "spanking" is justified? But, that's just it! I don't think that people are evil. I think that people really are not thinking this through correctly! They are following in the footsteps of the generation before them. Afterall, a lot of us were spanked and we turned out fine!

Today is a blogging day! I've been in "tomato-stake" mode with the kiddos the past couple of days. All seems great again. N is still a bit whiny, but, she's coming out of it much faster! They are laughing, playing, imagining, being creative (what a pair of kid's scissors and some old magazines can't do), and just really loving life.

I have a few longer posts, which, I believe are important to read as they cover more bases. However, I wanted to add some quick tips and examples of how I believe discipline could look like.

You know, I don't know what I think about this anymore. Since recently, J acquired fifth disease (AKA: Slap Cheek) and S acquired the chicken pox. Now, this week, I feared N had chicken pox (it's still up for debate as to whether it is chicken pox or mosquito bites) and S now has fifth disease! This, all in the past month. Now, here's what I know. J was contagious with fifth disease BEFORE his rash appeared (at which time I even thought might be hives at first). It is stated that for fifth disease, a person is contagious ONLY BEFORE you see the rash.

The most important guidance I can offer as a mother of three young children, is that positive parenting is the most powerful tool afforded to you as not only a parent to your child, but also as a friend to your child.

If you are struggling with a baby, toddler, preschooler (heck, even someone my age) who seems to do anything BUT pay attention to the words you are using, try positive reinforcement. Here's a situation, which happened between my four year old and myself yesterday:

Ever hear of it? You just gotta look into this!! My friend travelled to Sri Lanka for a year while her husband worked, helping with the disaster restoration. She said not one person there uses diapers. I'm sure there are many reasons for this. The point is that their babies are able to go to potty after mere weeks from being born!

Most of what I've learned has come from many different books, articles, university courses, mentors, friends, things I've seen, showing me what NOT to do with my children, etc. I can't owe any one author or person the whole of my method. I have came up with this approach when torn between the extremes of too strict and too permissive. I am now very proud of the fact that I can do with my children in public, the exact same I do in my home. I have a few techniques I use from one particular author that I would like to pay tribute to.

I started this one out as a poll (that I can't figure out) but, I think it's still too early for that. The methods described here have really worked well for us. Still, there are some where I believe work, yet, I am not too sure about their long term consequences yet. I guess we'll find out! In the meantime, what I have taught my 4 year old, seems to be reaching his heart.

I haven't heard one parent without sleep issues. I've had them myself, although not with my firstborn. He was quite the angel in that regard. My middle child was one of "those" children who just did not like to sleep and would fight it for as long as his heavy eyes would let him. For those having trouble putting their toddlers to sleep every night, I think I might have a solution, if you are interested. Here is what I do with my just-turned-three year old. As I've mentioned in previous blogs, he is my most difficult by far of my three children to enjoy going to sleep.

Why is it that every parent, who have two or more children, knows what this terminology means, "the middle child syndrome". It's not mere coincidence. I've read a few theories on its logical explanations. But rarely will it really empower the parent to do something about it. Moreover, I've usually only read explanations for the outcome. So if we, as parents need to help our middle children not carry the burden of having them in the middle, then why are we not held more accountable? Most will roll their eyes, laugh and say, "he/she is my middle child, can ya tell?"

Have you ever heard a mother or father say something like, "the more I say 'not' to do, the more they 'want' to do it"? For some reason, children want to do exactly the opposite of what you tell them. Call it, "negative attention" or call it whatever, children seem to feed on this type of "mis" behaviour. When a child is young, let's say under 1. I never use the word, "no". I don't feel the need to teach it to my child at this age. Instead, I will use more positive language. For example, if my daughter hits me I will say, "be gentle, please", modeling the behavior. I will not say, "no hitting!" To some, this may be more psycho babble. To me, in my experience and the experience of others who have tried other things that did not work, it means the difference between drawing attention to negative behavior and empowering your child to make positive choices. It encourages a child to gain the self respect of doing something that is enjoyed by those they love and care about around them. As a parent, it prevents the habit (which is so easy to fall into) of saying more negative things to our children than positive.

I'm not sure I believe in all of these gender differences being "innate". I believe more, that gender differences are learned. Now, of course I understand the physiological differences that will, indeed, cause slight skews in aggression, emotion, etc. However, I do not believe that the differences are all that obvious as some might like to think. I remember in my studies at University of Toronto. We covered this one particular experiment whereby women were placed in a room with toys. Babies would be placed in their care for a certain amount of time.

I find that there is a lot of psycho-babble parenting out there. I might as well add my own to it. ;)