INSIDE OUT

I received a few emails about others' experiences regarding miscarriages. Wow! I simply had no idea. Today, I was at the grocery store (it will get graphic here so turn away or stop reading altogether, cause this ain't pretty).

I had to go to the bathroom. All I could see when I looked into the toilet was blood. Wow! I felt kind of shaky, so, with all of my collectibles in my cart left behind, I took the three kids and walked my butt out of the store. On my way to the car, I could just feel it gushing out of me. I had to get home to B, who is renovating our home at the moment, and get home fast.

When I got home, I beeped for B to come out to take care of the kids. I walked, cautiously, in the house and straight to the bathroom to see what was going on. While peeing, all I could feel was something so large coming out of me... and fast. I was shocked. I was not prepared for this. There was no cramping... no warning sign for this.

For those of you who have had babies, it feels the same as it does when the shoulders FINALLY push through and the baby just "slides" out. This was so similar, yet, faster and smaller. It didn't hurt any bit similar as a 9lb baby would. Not even close, thank God. This baby was a lot more soft. I didn't want to look. But, I had to. Unbelievable. I am just in shock. Can you imagine looking into a toilet to see what I saw today? It was as big as a grapefruit, yet, not as round. I actually saw tissue! Part of me wishes I didn't see it, but, the "analytical" in me couldn't help it.

Just when you think it's over... this happens. I find closure... something worse happens. I find closure again... something even MORE worse happens!

This has been the longest 12 days of my life... well, unless you count when both J AND N were 12 and 14 days late consecutively, for joining us out into this world. That was a long anticipation!

So now, my MIND has closure. I'm just waiting for my BODY to catch up with it. Geesh! Is THIS the end?