INSIDE OUT

We chose to tell our young children that we were having a baby. We didn't feel the need to wait until we had passed the first trimester. We had been successful thus far. What would make us think we wouldn't continue these untouchable triumps!?!

So, the past little while we haven't really brought the baby up at all. Only for today to have my "why"- questioning 3 year old sit on my lap and ask about the baby.

I remember one other very cute moment not long ago. I was laying down on my bed and J came to give me a hug. He stops himself, moves over off of my belly and says, "oh, don't hurt the baby". It touched me so much to hear him think of the baby.

Today, he sat on my lap, gave me a hug and says, "oh, where's the baby"? Kind of a weird question that he would ask, "where", when at other times he knew. Maybe he sensed something was up since we haven't brought it up lately. Well, I didn't think much of that at the time. I was trying to come up with a nonchalant way to discuss this topic with my 3 year old. S was also in the room, but, he looked distracted. I often wondered just how I would explain this. I actually didn't think they even thought about it. But here I was. And what could I say to this curious 3 year old that would be just right and make the questions cease? I simply said, "the baby's all gone now".

WHAT!??!? What kind of answer was that?!?! Couldn't I have come up with something worthy of being written in a blog? A phrase that I could be proud of? Not this time. Not even close. Well, he wondered where, of course. I went on to say, "the baby went to Heaven". He says, "but, I want you to have another baby"!

S, who I thought was distracted, yet, was obviously overhearing this conversation, hangs his head and says, "oh, that's not good".

I had no idea they could have even comprehended the slightest.

My tears began.