Are feminine characteristics innate? What are "feminine" characteristics? Why do we call it a product of "character" as opposed to "personality". Are both "character" and "personality" innate?
When someone meets a man with an effeminate nature, we assume he's either queer (the politically correct name for most of those who consider themselves gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc) or that he's "struggling". I wonder if this is one of the reasons, which some boys, who are effeminate, grow up to be queer. Is it a self fulfilling prophecy? "People THINK I'm queer", they say to themselves. "Maybe I am?"
What if we taught our boys to only play with dolls, to wear pink and frills, to wear flow-y dresses and use terms of endearment such as, sweetheart, dear, doll, honey, etc. and leave out all terms such as "buddy". We would not buy them trucks or cars or point them out when they drove by. We would not turn over rocks and boulders to find slugs and spiders and everything creepy crawly. We would enroll them in ballet and put makeup and fingernail polish on their fingers and toes on a regular basis. What do you think would happen? I think I know.
It's not that I don't call my boys, "dear" or "sweetheart". It's not even that I haven't let them put mommy's makeup on. It's just that I certainly point out all the trucks, motorbikes, and all things with wheels. I would NEVER allow them to go out into public with makeup and a dress on! I wonder what effect this has on them. We assume that boys are boys and girls are well, just girls. But I wonder. I really do wonder. Again, I'm not talking about "letting" our boys play with dolls and carry around purses. I'm talking about enforcing it like most of us do. Do you know of anyone who enforces this? I assume that even if left to their own vices, they would eventually get from our culture that what they are doing is grossly "inappropriate."
So why is it that females are more likely to be sensitive, to be the nurturers, to cry more, and all of those other traits we deem "feminine"? Is it really why we think?
Girls grow up playing with dolls. Heck, they learn about relationships and all that is entailed within it since the day they are born! They have princess parties while learning how princesses are the ones to wait for their prince. They play with barbies and play house! They reenact relationships between Ken and Barbie. They give dolls food, push them in their strollers, give them baths, etc. They grow up playing with things that have faces!! Of COURSE they would be more "nurturing" as adults!! Boys grow up playing with trucks!! There is no face (unless you count Thomas the Train). They don't make the truck date the bulldoser!
What about how girls cry more? Isn't it because girls have different hormones? What about men who are taught that manifesting sadness through crying is not only acceptable, but, encouraged? Do they just have less testosterone? Maybe. I'm not thinking that testosterone has nothing to do with any of it. I am however, questioning how big a part physiology truly has to play in it.
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[...] A sociological study I recall gives evidence for why it is that some of the stereotypical behavior found in males and females are presented. In short, a woman is presented with a baby who is dressed in stereotypical "girly" clothing (pink dress and frills). The women in this study, almost always coddled the girl-baby more, spoke in softer, sing-songy tones, and chose gender appropriate toys to play with. When this same baby was brought to the mother in stereotypical boy clothing, the women in this study were more matter of fact in their tone, rough-housed more, and chose stereotypical male toys to play with. For more on other thoughts on this, go here: http://insideout.tougas.net/node/73 Or here: http://insideout.tougas.net/node/68 [...]
Queer
A male cousin of mine loved to dress up and play house with us girls when we were kids (which was another era and world!). I heard other people (grown-ups and older boys) comment about his certain 'queer' effeminate tendencies which I assume said cousin was aware of. Later, his career/job allowed him time at work to knit and do other handwork which people were happy to buy or receive. He married a great girl, their two sons are now grown up - by all appearances (which I have no reason to believe it would be otherwise) they have a very satisfying life of love, work, travel and healthy relationships. So who knows about all what looks to be queer.
I agree!!!
I, for one, would certainly not believe that feminine characteristics in a male should determine his sexual preference! Unfortunately, comments surrounding this belief continue to be quite common, even today. It has only been since 1974 in which the DSM (the medical "handbook", which mental health professionals would use to diagnose) reconsidered its claim that being queer was a mental disorder!
If this cousin of yours has any part within the Forsberg family whatsoever, I have no doubt in my mind the acceptance he would feel. What a beautiful example of how our children should be made to feel comfortable in their skin... and their clothing! What an accepting culture we would have to accept, support, and think as beautiful, females who have hairy faces and men who wear lipstick.
The theory behind those, who display effeminate mannerisms, being made to feel like they must choose their sexual identity based on these behaviors, is not the only reason people become queer. However, for those who might have otherwise been straight (how would we really ever know) and have chosen this lifestyle, it is a question in my mind as to why. This is only one theory I have postulated in my research. Of course there are others.
My point is this: effeminacy in men should not automatically be assumed to be "queer". Yet it is.
I will not debate the queer lifestyle in this blog. I do wonder what my sons would be like if I ONLY allow them to dress in pink and frills and set them loose in a culture, which does not accept it. Accepting our sons in playing house, dressing up, and knitting is not exactly what I'm referring to. The extreme feminine qualities, which we force on our girls is the nurturing aspect I'm referring to, wheryby we raise our girls much differently than boys. I'm sure most would believe I am harming my boys if I let their hair grow long and put pigtails in their hair everyday with clips, frilly dresses, and ballet lessons. It's not merely the one or two behaviors, which we "accept" in our boys. It is the ongoing energy we put into the feminality of girls compared to our boys.