INSIDE OUT

I started this one out as a poll (that I can't figure out) but, I think it's still too early for that. The methods described here have really worked well for us. Still, there are some where I believe work, yet, I am not too sure about their long term consequences yet. I guess we'll find out! In the meantime, what I have taught my 4 year old, seems to be reaching his heart.

Here are a few examples of my own methods: - I believe if a child has the item in question first, then it is their toy, no questions asked. - If I do not know who had the toy first, I usually just ask my eldest whom I trust to tell the truth. :) - If this is a regular occurrence, I keep the child with me at all times in order that I can keep an eye on the situation. This way, I know who had which toys first and I am able to guide them towards sharing. Without doing this, I feel my children may not know the behavior, which I feel is appropriate, regarding playing well with others. - If it is a special toy to one particular child (a birthday present from outside our home, for example), I encourage the child who would like to borrow the said toy, to ask permission. Furthermore, I require the person who owns the toy to say, yes, if they are not using it. - I don't believe that if the child is younger, they should automatically get the toy. I teach, from a very young age (before the age of 1) that they need to keep their hands to themselves if they want a toy that is in use. Moreover, I guide them to find another toy that is not in use with a grateful attitude for toys that they "do" still have. - If we are in public with children whom I do not know, I require these same general principles unless, again, I do not know who had the toy first. If this is the case, I usually ask my children to give up the toy and have them acknowledge the feelings of the other person. I ask them to see how special that toy was to the other child and that it would help the other child feel happy that they've shared with them. Once they share and the other child stops crying, I discuss how happy it made the other child. To me, this helps my children begin to feel empathy. - With everything, I discipline gently and follow through till the end. I don't take the toy from one child to give back to another. I encourage the child to do it themselves. They are told to give it back gently and I stop everything I'm doing to guide them through it. I've seen amazing benefits in my children using these methods and others. I see, on a regular basis, the ease to which they give and take from each other without altercation. Still awaiting some great wisdom, as I know some of you can contribute.