INSIDE OUT

*Disclaimer* This is a vent. It is angry and it is needed. I need to get it out and I need it to be heard. **Note: This is not to any one person imparticular. This is FOR me! *I* need to get it out and I have a feeling it's gonna feel good. ;)

Those of you on this journey know this blame game all too well. What is it about family and friends (and the projected blame onto others we create in our own minds) that sometimes turn our journeys into this downward spiral?

For some of us, it is family. I have some AMAZING family! Thankfully, my sister and brother-in-law have had many of their own family-struggles with food to teach the rest of her family that putting food in our mouths is not something to take lightly. My MIL is also very supportive and is on the road to her own education in Naturopathy.

My mother and step-father have been VERY supportive. They do not question the what's and what-if's. They simply ask the necessary questions in order to feed my kids the way that "their mother" sees fit and trusts that I've done the necessary research to keep their long-term health into perspective.

My father, on the other hand, is not so supportive. Until, of course, we had a recent conversation. This blog entry is in response to that conversation.

WHAT I KNOW

I know I have given my children one of the best starts in life a mother and father could give. I served ONLY organics for the first year of each of their lives, breastfed until at LEAST seven months with each of them (my last born I breastfed for over two years and even up until a month ago was occasionally indulging), and invested my life into guiding their hearts to be other-centered and joyful.

There have been mistakes of "listening too much" to doctors as they prescribe yet another round of antibiotics to my boys without further research as to WHY they might need so many. The vaccination issue... another regret. Not clueing in that my children may have had issues with dairy or gluten, and some other thoughts also penetrate my heart. Yet, have I done SO much different than any other mother caring for their beautiful children??

Why, when I see children with countless trips to McDonald's, barely any veggies or fruits, candy and chocolate provided every day, store-bought preservatives and dyes and Lord knows what else, night after night after night, and THEY don't have kids with ASD!? THEY don't have kids with chronic diarrhea, constipation, and/or exzema!?

Did feeding my kids healthy foods REALLY cause this??? Come ON!!!!???

Sometimes, I get the question: Are they taking in enough fiber? Are they drinking enough water? ...I hate those questions.

I have three children. They ALL eat the same foods and drink the same water. My MOST PICKIEST eats better than many of his friends, relatively so... S ate green smoothies and salads and lentils and many different kinds of vegetables (spinach and brussel sprouts included). When he dislikes a food, we would easily invite him to eat more, with enthusiasm... and he would!

The reason why this bothers me the MOST is because I *receive* the blame. I wonder, "is it really MY fault they are having these 'issues'"? :(

Yet, I know, realistically, this makes no sense in light of what I'm about to list... and I've GOT to remind myself of this. Case in Point:
-I had one child with constipation
-one child with diarrhea
-one child with LARGE bowel movements three times a day

Now, someone please tell me why two boys who eat the EXACT same food would have the OPPOSITE effect... unless it truly was a "predisposition" of something deeper happening!?!? As well, why would my daughter, who eats the EXACT same as her older brothers, NOT have diarrhea NOR constipation?!

Give MORE fiber?? Give MORE water to my children?? What on EARTH would my poor child with diarrhea do? Give LESS Fiber?? Give LESS water? What on EARTH would my poor child with constipation do?

As you can see, this is not as easy as "what are you feeding your children" as they've obviously been dealing with completely separate issues despite the food I've been feeding them.

My father went so far as to tell me I needed to feed my kids more junk food and less "organics". His reasoning was that my kids needed more "bacteria" and maybe S wouldn't have ASD if he ate the way the other kids did. Are you kidding me??

My father means well. He is truly concerned for his grandkids. He is trying to help, in his own way.

Yet, it hurts deeply to think that others look at the issues your kids have and in turn, blame you. You have no idea.

THE SOLUTION??

Whether or not the chicken or the egg came first, now, is somewhat irrelevant. Right now, I've got to find the root to the present-day cause. Talking about supplements, probiotics, enzymes and the like with a child who does not absorb them is futile. I've got to heal my kids' guts so their guts can recieve the healthy foods I've been giving them all this time. Discussing things like B12 and the aforementioned items is certainly important for kids with ASD. It makes sense in the near future once the SCD is established. Yet, to wonder why my ONLY child who ate the MOST meat out of all of our kids is the ONLY one with ASD and might not be getting enough B12 compared to my VEGAN baby who is NOT ASD... is irrationale and makes me feel bitter to even hear the suggestion of it.

SHOULDA, COULDA, WOULDA...

SHOULD we have been vegan BEFORE having kids? SHOULD we have NOT been vegan in the last two years? SHOULD we have NOT vaccinated our kids? Should we THIS or should we not have done THAT!??! ...

Listen, it's hard enough to deal with this journey EVEN with the FULL-WHOLE-HEARTED support of friends and family. Imagine how much harder it is when the health pursuits you've already been on are now being questioned... even if ever so subtely.

Maybe I just need to see the words written out here. I need to see this written out for myself. I know I need to continue to tell myself that I AM and HAVE BEEN a good mom who fed my children well! It is NOT MY FAULT that they have these gut issues!! That each and every one of you in my shoes could not have forcasted this! That my children CAN count on me to have their best interest in mind and indeed I HAVE. That the diet, which is recommended by the Autism Research Foundation is NOT an "experiment" ON my children! This diet and the gluten/casein free diet is a method with scientific evidence backing it and it is FOR my children!

WHAT YOU *CAN* DO

For those of you who surround me and those who surround others you love who are also on this journey, please stop asking "those" questions. Please read about the journey these kids are on FIRST and invest as much attention to research as you do to worrying about our kids. Us moms and dads are too busy and too tired to take care of YOUR fears and worries and trying to educate you. It is difficult enough taking care of otherwise "normal" children! How much MORESO do you think it is, now to have to try and recover a child with ASD AND a child with chronic diarrhea AND have to explain WHY we are trying this method or that method? Once you do your own research, THEN AND ONLY THEN can we troubleshoot *TOGETHER*.

Please help those of us on this journey by coming along side us. Not standing on the sidelines with all your judgments and uneducated fears.

Ask yourselves these questions:
1. Have you educated YOURSELF on what ASD is and what it might look like for these kids?
2. Have you educated yourself on the behaviors these kids might have and why they might act like they do around you and other children?
3. Have you educated yourself on the diet they are presently on and why?
4. Have you educated yourself on the symptoms us parents are looking for and why these diets are so effective?

I know the feeling you have. I was once in your shoes. I had friends who were on, what I thought back then, "wacko" diets. I blamed the "naturopaths" and the "witchdoctors" for telling everybody to get off of gluten and dairy and this, that, or the "other" thing. I blamed them for stealing money from my friends...

...I wish I knew then what I know now.

I've never been to a naturopath for S's ASD. I don't have the coverage now like I used to. I wish I went to one a lot sooner. If I had, I might not have had to learn about the dangers of gluten to my son on my own... perhaps one language explosion too late.

I don't blame you for your concerns. Saying that, however, I do plead with you to stop coming to me to make you feel better. I've got three beautiful children to do that with right now.

Thank you for your love. Thank you for doing your own research. Thank you for your support you've given me already. My children and their very tired parents need all the prayer and support they can get.