INSIDE OUT

What does it mean when someone is called "optimistic"? Is it because they seem to always see the glass half full? What on Earth does THAT mean? I have usually been one of those who would be called, "optimistic". I doubt it's something I've been born with. That theory has left the building a LONG time ago! It must be how we're raised then? But, I have a feeling it isn't that simple. I think that a child grows up being much like the mother or much like the father. This seems simple enough. Yet, think about that for a second! What other options are there? Is it genes that make you optimistic or pessimistic? Is it that you are responding in the opposite direction of the parent who most influences your thoughts? Most people I know in relationships are quite polarized opposites of each other. It is obvious that you can only be either like one or the other and a little bit of both. There is no fourth option. As an example, if one person becomes really excited about something, do you ever find yourself not "as" excited? On the other hand, if someone was really down about a certain situation or event, don't you find yourself looking for the positive things? The same thing can happen in extroversion/introversion. Quite simply, if you are constantly companioned with a parent who is extroverted, my suspicion is that you are introverted and vice versa. In my world, my environment also had a thing or two to do with it. I was raised poor. Today, I am very optimistic about my finances. On the other hand there are those, who were raised poor, and are quite worrisome and considered very pessimistic about their finances. Okay then, scratch that theory. Then I am either like my mother or my father. Since my parents split when I was seven I would have been an only child. My brothers stayed with my father and I with my mother. My mother, although quite worrisome lately, seems to me at least, to be quite optimistic. My dad is VERY optimistic. Or ignorant... Ahhh... Now we're talking.... interesting... Okay, now I am going to take this post in a completely different path then what I set out for... I am too lazy to recreate a proper theme. So here we go. Might optimism desire just a tad bit of ignorance? Afterall, when you think of what is happening to those around the world who die each and every second of the most horrific of deaths... what really is there to be optimistic about? Well, of course, I would tell you that I am one of those people who choose to be ignorant. But, how heartless! My fight or flight response takes over, however. In order for my species to survive, I would need to be ignorant. To think about this atrocity toward the exact same species would be too much for me to bear. I wouldn't survive, psychologically speaking. To look inward and focus on myself and my family, my friends, and those endless strangers who will walk in and out of my life is what I feel I need to do. To do anything else is unbearable. But what is it that I can and should do in order to survive this reality without drowning in the horror. At one time in my life, I felt the need to be a missionary. I needed, after all, to help these people who often haunt these images in my mind. To do anything else was pointless. To have a career in anything else was selfish. Now I see a bit more clearly. Now, I realize that there are many people. Here. Now. I need to go and be with them. I need to help them. I continue to find myself here, yet, what am I doing? I often struggle in my relationships with others. I have such a drive to "help" people that I find myself stepping over those same people's toes to do it. You know that "male stereotype" whereby you can't tell a man anything because he just listens in order to find out how he can "fix" it. Yeah, that's me. I just don't feel like I can sit by and watch people hurting. I have no idea what this stereotypical male drive is derived from. I haven't actually thought about it... another post perhaps. For now, I realize I might just never feel like I do enough. But do I do ANYTHING? Of COURSE my family comes first. But what comes second? If it is nothing then what am I teaching my children? What really am I doing to help those in need? This guilt you are hearing from me now, comes from a good place. I am optimistic you see. I am also ignorant you see. But, I can do more. I will do more. I have a nursing home next door to our house. HELLO?!?! Guess where I'll be this week... The truth is, we all need a bit of ignorance to survive. This, in and of itself is not bad. It's when we do NOTHING but worry about ourselves and how we, alone can survive. How we can get by with MORE happiness. MORE appeasement. MORE friends, BETTER health, MORE this and that when all the while, there are those who don't even know where their next meal is coming from. Or why their mother and father don't want them anymore or even worse, are leaving them behind, diseased by the very same AIDS they are dying from. If we still want to be selfish AND help others. The best way I know how to feel better for myself is to help someone who is less fortunate than I am. Now if we all did just a little bit more of that, the natural consequence would be more happiness, don't ya think. So whatever problems we have; whatever we're dealing with, take some of that energy and let it out towards someone who "needs" more than you. I promise you, you will feel better.