INSIDE OUT

I have a few longer posts, which, I believe are important to read as they cover more bases. However, I wanted to add some quick tips and examples of how I believe discipline could look like.

#1. Find what it is that gets your child's attention Some methods work better for some children than others. For all of my children, the same method has worked and that's why I believe in it so strongly. However, with my middle child, I've needed to give more clearer boundaries and for longer periods of time. This, I believe, is only because I didn't start as early with him as I did with the other two... but, you can find my blog about that in another post. When I stick to this, it works like a charm.

-For our particular children, I sit them down or stand them up gently, whichever they are NOT doing at the time. I hold their hands by their side or ask them to place their hands on their lap. The reason for this is simple - It does not harm them and it gets their attention while I try and have a little chat with them about what they just did. I've been known to utilize this approach with all three of my children at the same time on many occasions. The beauty of this method is that I can do it in the privacy of my own home AS WELL AS in the public eye with dignity for both myself and my child. Looking onto the other strategies within this approach, you will see how it is so much less intrusive (without being permissive) than other methods I've come across.

#2. Only say what you would like from them ONCE!

- If you speak more than once to get their attention (assuming you KNOW they've heard you), you run the risk of becoming upset, yourself, and teaches your children to tune you out ONLY UNTIL your voice becomes firm and angry.

#3. Don't end this scenario until they've done what you are asking them to do "themselves".

- This gives them the opportunity to succeed.

#4. Say thank you for doing what you've asked with enthusiasm.

- This provides positive reinforcement and allows both of you to walk away with resolution. Examples: Because my children are all very young, coming to me when I call them is quite important for reasons of safety. So, if I am on one side of a field and I see them running towards a street or parking lot, having my children do as I ask the FIRST time I ask is quite important. Otherwise, I will need to hold their hands at all times or keep them in strollers at all times. It is important to me that each of them are able to explore their surroundings so, I will take times out of my day (this, I've done with all of them before the age of 1) to teach this to them. Here's how I did it: I first started out as a game, calling them to me and tickling them to the ground when they came. They LOVED coming to me when I called them. Now, once they begin to stop listening to me (and believe me it happens with every child) it becomes a guidance issue: At home I will ask them to come to me during inopportune times for them (e.g. while they are on the computer). I make sure that during this time I am loud enough for them to hear, yet still gentle. If they don't come to me, I use my approach and gently have a little chat with them.

Then I do it again.

I continue this until they get it enough where I can have them succeed on their own on the first try. From all other things I've found, it is a very gentle, non-intrusive approach to having a great relationship with your child, whereby you enjoy each other's company. I promise you, if you do the hard work in the beginning, it WILL pay off. Parenting, although testing at times, should and CAN be enjoyable each and every day of your lives!!! Our children should be raised to have boundaries and to play freely within it.

I offer more specifics on other parts of my blog. But, please use my contact email if you have more questions or have a particular issue you are dealing with and would like to see if this approach can work for you.