INSIDE OUT

Just got off the phone with the adoption agency. Long story short... We're not adopting the three year old girl.

To give you a few details, I called today to say that our family was making the tough call to potentially decline the adoption of this little girl. Strangely enough, it turns out that they have another family who also would like to adopt her... AND her sister!! If you ask me, it was God leading us into a scenario where we could make a decision and feel its peace surrounding us.

What?!!? Wow. Really?!?!?
Coincidence??

I think not.

My last post, found here, http://insideout.tougas.net/node/242 spoke of an incessant passion of mine. Earlier posts would etch its intent into space, not ever knowing where or what I would do about it. Words are hollow. Intent, even moreso. What good is it to talk if those words reach ears, but not lives?

Twenty-four hours later, a phone call may have changed the course of our journey. Words have caught up with me and I've been challenged in more ways than I can share in one post. I have been heard. I am now tested.

How far am I willing to take these letters, "scribbled" on these pages?

...and then I get a headache.

My pastor at The Meeting House had a series about our "sense of entitlement". That used to be me. My mother never taught me that I wasn't always entitled to what I want and when I wanted it. Delayed gratification was only for the poor (which we were). Yet, she never knew how to truly embed the principle of our North American "way" and how spoiled I was compared to our global neighbours.

Before getting married and having kids, I never would have guessed I would become the woman I am today. The depth of love I have for those within my house has melted any layers of entitlement I ever felt I owned.

Ignorance is not bliss. I've realized this after having children. The desire to not want to research or know or throw my hands in the air, feeling that "we're all gonna die some day anyway" mentality has lost its flavor with me a long time ago.

I have to repeat that this diet is not for the weak. It takes "fanatical adherence" (Elaine Gotchall). Before we started this diet, we had been through elimination diets for J, our 4 year old, trying to eliminate the chronic eczema, various face rashes, mild asthma, and circular patches all over his trunk and legs (ringworm)?

We then entered the world of autism and at the same time, were already initiating a gluten free/casein free diet for other reasons (chronic ear infections with the suspicion of milk allergy and we eliminated the gluten for reasons of tummy aches). We had no idea, at the time, what road we were going down when 3 weeks later, a new boy began to emerge.

But then we read about a diet called the "Specific Carbohydrate Diet". With seventy years of scientific research backing it up and the realization that we were merely putting a "bandaid" on our autistic boy's intestines with the gluten/casein free diet, we decided to move ahead into "healing" his intestines instead.

BRIEF THREE WEEK UPDATE

When the initial die off symptoms began to lessen, S got this crazy pin-dotted rash all around his mouth. Then, while giving him an epsom salt bath, I noticed the same rash behind his knees. It faded by the time the epsom salt bath was over. Magnesium is a wonderful thing. It releases toxins from the body. This may have drawn out the toxins, causing the rash to present itself, only to finally fade by the end of the bath. I saw the rash and I saw the rash fade. Well, the day after this rash, S regressed. His speech was more slurred, a lot of repetitive speech, his pupils dilated, he woke up that night crying in pain from his right knee (this used to occur only before the gluten free diet over six months ago but never since). The very next day AFTERWARD, S's speech was not as slurred (on a scale from 1-10 with 10 being REALLY slurred, I'd say it was a 4). S had no repetitive speech and many times, I didn't have to ask him if he could look at me.

Conclusion: Stay the course, girl!! When symptoms look tough, know that there is yet, another positive outcome on the other side.

*Disclaimer* This is a vent. It is angry and it is needed. I need to get it out and I need it to be heard. **Note: This is not to any one person imparticular. This is FOR me! *I* need to get it out and I have a feeling it's gonna feel good. ;)

My Love/Hate relationship with this diet continues. We are now on Day 11.

Going from vegan to SCD was torture in the beginning for us. I felt like our house reeked of the true stench of a butcher shop. We became vegan for health reasons. I do care about the dear animals, mind you. Which is why we eat local and organic when we DO buy meat. Organic meat is the better choice for SOOO many reasons. But, I'll save that for another meat-eating post. Our grocery bills are through the roof. Ugh. Eating organic vegan is SOOOO much cheaper!!!

So, we are on the road to now "healing" my kid's guts. What a ROAD!! Wow. I had no idea this year would bring such chaos.

So a bit about this diet.... Well, it sucks. No, it REALLY sucks. I suppose if one did not need this diet, then it wouldn't suck because there would be no negative die-off symptoms and you could run through the stages faster and with less complications. As it turns out, this diet is amazing!! And it sucks.

I wish I had more time to blog about these things. All I want to urge you to do is take your health into YOUR hands.

Look, doctors are SOOO busy looking for things that are wrong with you to ensure that what IS wrong doesn't get worse, that they truly have little time to deal with any proactive measures.

http://mindd.org/s/index.php?/categories/4-Frontpage

"Thanks to advances in medicine and technology many diseases and infections are part of the past. However, a new class of epidemics are emerging in the category of brain-immuno-gut dysfunction or Mindd illness. In this paradigm, disease begins at the cellular level and affects many organ systems. This explains why researchers such as Dr. Campbell-McBride and Dr. Kenneth Bock are finding such an overlap in neurological, immunological and digestive illness in one single patient."

...and what work there is to be done.

So, today... as my 4 year old son came up to me in the light of the window, waving his open mouth and tongue out, I noticed something I hadn't even taken the time to think about with him. HE HAS A WHITE FILM ON THE BACK OF HIS TONGUE!!!

I used to be all for vaccinations. I screamed anti-anti-vaccination and guffawed at those who resisted the pediatrician's indignation for those parents who would not protect their children through preventable disease!

I've heard it said for years... I keep hearing it now: those who live in fear that they will never forgive themselves if something happened to their child and they could have done something to prevent it.

For some of you who know our family, you know that S has been behind in his speech. I suppose we suspected before he turned 1. He wasn't saying "mama"... although much to my husband's pleasure, he did insist on "dada" being a regular part of his vocab. Well, once he turned 1 and he still wasn't saying more than "parts" of words. I knew something was up.

It's been a long time coming. I've had a secret fetish for politics since I can remember. In high school I remember solely working on my friend's run for president in the class. Wasn't too difficult I suppose. She did win nonetheless. :)

I recently ran as candidate in the last provincial election for the Green Party. I've been a Green Party voter for years. Now, I just had to actually get "involved".

...and so I did.

Oh, this topic is so close to my heart. Too much to say, too little time. We recently have gone approximately 80-90% (who can really measure these things) organic. Too much research in its favor. I want to avoid all the research. But, I have to protect my children AND my children's children (if all the BPA I served, a la bottle, didn't already spoil all that)! Geez.

You know, I never would have thought I would hear myself say this: But, I REALLY AM THANKFUL that my second born son was born with so many skin problems. Rashes, distended tummy, diarrhea, blown out behaviors, and mild asthma were not uncommon for him. After a long journey of eliminating MANY suspected causes, researching hours on end for what, when, how... WHY?? ... I finally have a son who doesn't react HALF the way he used to. Regrettably, I still hear the high pitched whistle when he coughs and he still has skin-colored bumpy arms. Yet, how far we've come with him is AMAZING!!

I suppose if anybody knows anything about hockey, my riding might sound familiar to them. Sidney Crosby is from my riding!
Another familiar name from my riding, by those who live here, is Darrell Dexter. Yes, I ran against the NDP leader for all of Nova Scotia. HA!! Well, as a Green Party Candidate, I didn't do too bad!